Having a day...

Where I want to go home and crawl in bed. I want to not think about money, being fat, eating right, working out, being fat, my kids, what to make for dinner, what to eat for lunch, how to not stop at taco bell, money, my job, what clothes I will wear this summer because I can visualize myself smaller....

I just want to shut my brain off today please!

New week

Well my weekend was decent. I did a lot of climbing hills in the snow on Sat and my bootie can really feel it. I hate to say that my Lent challenge has been weak. I have missed several days, but I am happy to have still started it and I will finish it out doing as many days as I can. It has gotten me back into the habit of working out on a consistant basis, it has gotten me to try new things (SHRED!) and I have found many wonderful blogs that I now frequent of people on the same journey as I am.

I have my meals all planned out for the entire week....which always helps me stay on track. I am also make sure to eat before I head out to lunch because I usually am running to Target or Walmart or somewhere that has snacky food and I always am hungry and grab a bag of chips or something that I shouldnt. Also if I am hungry I tend to notice Taco bell and starbucks (my two BAD places) as I drive by, both are at the corner where I have to turn to head to work. So being full maybe will help make those moments easier.

To all of you struggling, hang in there..WE CAN DO THIS! Summer is sneaking up on me faster than I can lose the weight!

Stuck like Chuck!

Well after weeks of gaining and losing the same freaking half of a lb or less...I updated my sidebar. It makes me sad to see that I have essentially wasted FIVE weeks at the same weight.

NO MORE...I WILL break the 190's BY NEXT WEDS..MARK MY WORDS!!!!

And on the 7th day she rested

Well not intentionally really....well I guess intentionally LOL

My dad was taken to the hospital around 5pm, so I went straight to the hospital and was there late. I KNOW I could have done it when I got home, but Paul was gone and the couch was calling my name.

FAIL!

But last night I worked out, so Day 8 was a success. I was tired and it was probably not my most hardcore workout, but I DID IT and thats all that counts!

So I have often thought and prayed....God just send me a CLEAR message, a good reason why I have to lose weight..or have the doctor tell me its life or death. Maybe that would get me motivated to do something about it. Well it's happened. My mom has several health problems...from Cushings Disease to high blood pressure, to diabetis, to stents and has had several heartattacks. I know your thinking WOW that should have motivated you, but it hasnt.....

We today my Dad, Mr. Healthy as a Horse got a stent put into his heart.....a valve was 80% percent blocked and many more are not in good shape, but diet and exercise should help prolong those before he will need more medical intervention. It is hitting me hard. Even though he is fine right now, there is still a chance of him having a heart attack. I dont want my kids to have the fear I am feeling today. I always imagined it being my mom that would first go to heaven, she is the one with the major problems, she is the one that has been in the hospital many times over the past few years, the one in chronic pain, the one that would be happier in heaven then here on earth living with all the problems she is facing.......I never thought for even one SECOND that it could be my dad.....

And the only reason he even went in for the stress test is because he got new insurance and they MADE him! PRAISE GOD that Blue Cross raised their prices!!

So I am taking that...TWO parents with heart problems, cholesterol problems and high blood pressure as a SIGN from GOD that I have to get this weight off! So I dont have to take 10 pills a day just to prevent BAD things from happening, to prolong my life as long as I can and not have my kids have any unessessary fear of my dying.

Motivation...right there slapping me across the FACE!

Day 6

I did my reading. The 1st chapter in Matthew.

I did my Jillian Shred after Bunco last night. Spaghetti and Jillian dont mix....I was sick....and threw up..and still feel off today.

It's taking all I HAVE GOT!!!

to resist the pizza that they brought in for inventory day......

I am heating up my Smart One.........

reminding myself over and over how gross I will feel if I eat it!!!

I CAN RESIST!

I resisted....they took the rest out the factory....

WHEW! A tiny victory!

Days 3, 4 and 5

Rocking it!!

Friday I did a 30 min walk...probably not the most hardcore workout, but my legs couldnt take much more than that!!

Saturday I did a 30 min routing of my own. I dug out my 3lb weights and did some arms and cardio (jumping jacks, jumping rope etc) in the office while the kids ate breakfast.

Last night was a struggle. I went back and forth with my mind about working out. I decided to do the ellipitcal and watch Greys on the computer. It was a re-run and I couldnt find anything else to watch that I hadnt seen or cared to see...so I got up and decided to do the dishes. Then I thought oh I will skip tonight...been good for 4 days....did the whole back and forth thing in my head. I decided to play the Shred video so if Paul asked I could say I did it and he would have proof, but not really do it, just take a shower and relax. UM HOW SAD IS THAT?!! Proof as to why I am FAT.

So I got SHRED going on the TV....and then did it. The whole thing...well mostly, she lost me on a few of the final situps! WOW she kicked my ASS! I was so proud of myself for actually doing it instead of letting myself off the hook.....then took a long shower and relaxed!

but then ate grilled cheese and cheetos. SIGH!

I am back on track fully today.....I was in a rut of either eating healthy or working out...this week I combine the too and hopefully see some bigger numbers lost!

I hope you are all (my many readers LOL) are doing GREAT with the 4o days!!

35 left!!