Birthday

Happy Birthday to my sweet Jackson!

A cake I made for Fathers Day...my husband is a musician

Today my son Jack turns two. Where did the time go! I have a 2 yr old and my daughter is almost FOUR! Its insane how fast time is flying by! Jack is the sweetest mommas boy....I love him to pieces!

I made him a cake last night for a small family celebration at home. I will have a combined party in Aug for both kids. He is in love with Mickey Mouse so I tried to make one out of fondant...he is a little scary, but the kids didnt seem to think so.

Today I got a starbucks. 320 cals worth....so not worth it AFTER i get done drinking it! I have decided to only run every other day, I dont think my knees could handle anymore than that. Tonight I will elliptical at home. My son has no cake preference yet so I made a yellow cake with white frosting. Neither if which are my favorite, so I can skip it and not feel like I am missing out.

Today I was listening to KLOVE on the radio, they were talking about Jon and Kate (plus Eight), about how it would really be horrible to have all the mean things we say to our spouses on air to be repeated over and over. I know I have said my share of crappy stuff to P, I know I say things at times knowing its going to hurt him, but I selfishly do it anyways. I also know we have a good marriage, with tons of forgiveness from each other and more importantly from God. It really made me stop and realize how really graet I have things....so maybe hubby isnt the best at cleaning the house...or the best at getting me cards for special days, but he is a good daddy and a very affectionate man who loves and serves the Lord. I have a house, 2 running cars that are paid for, a beautiful family, loving family and friends and good health. So we cant go on vacation or shop whenever we want too...it doesnt matter..I have all I need! (maybe a few too many lbs though LOL)

Tuesdays calories:1,285

Oatmeal: 120

Coffee: 320

Salad: 0

Chicken :120

Parm cheese: 55

Dressing: 90

Diet A&W: 0

Turkey Sausage: 200

Noodles: 110

Green Beans: 30

Diet A&W: 0

Popcorn: 240

I'm BACK....

Well I cant believe its been so long since I posted. I was out of town half the time in Colorado for my moms memorial. It was good/sad. I had a nice visit with my brothers and family. I came home to a messy house and over 100 temps LOL! I stayed two nights in a hotel with my brother and his family. I hadnt seen them in YEARS. I also snuck in a trip to Hobby Lobby! I could spend HOURS in that store!!

I ran this morning and feel so much better. Taking that many days off from running was crappy. I didnt eat to bad, but have gained this month. Back up to 200lbs. I have less than a month and need to lose 10lbs, to at least get rid of some of this blub before my run in July.

Run 1 mile / Walk 1 mile: 332 cals (estimate)

Mondays Calories:1,215
Oatmeal: 120
Coffee/Hot Chocolate: 80
Salad: 0
Chicken :120
Parm cheese: 55
Dressing: 90
Diet A&W: 0
Fiber One Bar: 130
Noodle Soup: 320
Diet A&W: 0
Popcorn: 300

Monday Monday

Here we are monday again....it seems like its always Monday! I had a good weekend. I got a lot accomplished scrapbook wise. Saturday was a bit more emotional that I had anticipated. I had to pick up my moms urn. I was fine until the man left the room to get me a receipt. Just standing there seeing her name on the urn in a bag was hardcore. I cried a bit and rushed out as soon as he brought me what I needed. Then we went to BIL's house, bbq and had some cake. Jamison and I made the cutest cake for the hubby, she loves to help bake. Sunday was church...after church while getting Jams ready for her nap I notice a black thing in her hair.. ITS LICE...UGH so..thats how I spent the rest of my day. Washing and picking stuff out of her hair, washing sheets, bagging up her gazzilion stuffed animals, couch pillows etc. So far she seems to be the only one affected. Im guess its daycare although she said no one else has said anything about it. Luckily she sat with me at church yesterday and didnt spread it around the nursery! Started AF,ate to much....but today is a new day!

This morning we were to run at my house. I got up, dressed and checked my phone. My partner cancelled. I was happy LOL I didnt want to go, but I went anyway...and did my longest run..THREE MILES! I had to walk a few times through it, but just me and my IPOD. I like it like that!

My eating today has been good today, but my weight was not. Thats ok by the end of the week I will have a full clean week under my belt and AF will have left the building!

I come to my blog several times a day, strain to think of something to type. I guess I truely have a hard time just sharing what I am feeling when I am feeling it. Like I need to spend a few days anazlying it and by then it doesnt seem to sad, dramatic, or exciting as it did when it happened. I am having the case of "IWILLSTARTMYDIETMONDAYITIS". I know that is lame and next week will be even harder this one since I will be traveling to Colorado for my moms memorial, but I am still putting it off.

Monday I will start counting my calories again. 1400. I will start logging my food and really diving into training for my run at the end of July. I want to lose at least 10lbs by the time the race is here, so that gives me 5 weeks. In those weeks I have my moms memorial, Fathers Day, my sons 2nd birthday, celebrating 12 yrs with P (dating yrs), 4th of July and a few cakes I am making for friends. BUT I CAN AND I WILL BE STRONG AND make it through all of that with out getting out of control!

Tonight I am scrapbooking with my sister and a good friend of mine (my morning running partner). I love to scrapbook!! I have several albums that are in process. I have one for each kid, that starts after their 1st birthday and will end with the start of Kindergarden. I also do one for my family for each year. I am SO behind on that mostly because over half my pics from 2008 are stuck in my old computer...they are safe, but you know waiting on a man to do something that simple could take to 2010 LOL! Tonight I am starting 2 more books. These are for my BBF...she has two kids, her first born a few weeks before my 1st and her 2nd, born a little over a year later on my daughters birthday. I love that our girls share a birthday (a year apart in age) She has TONS of supplies but no time to dedicate to it, so she asked if I could make them for her. Im excited to start that!

Tomorrow will be a hard morning.....I have to go pick up my moms ashes. I am taking them to Colorado in my carry on (per Southwests rules). The place is close to my BIL's so we will go over there and spend the day bbq's and hopefully some swimming. Saturday night I am going to make a cake for my husband for Fathers Day. My daughter will help and has decided she wants music notes all over it as well as a guitar on top (his instrument of choice).

I hope you all have a FAB weekend!

feeling better

So last night was ok. Had some friends over for dinner. Then got into a big fight with P. He left for a friends house, slammed the door, called me to fight some more. I went to bed crying, woke up this am and went running. when I got home I laid back down in bed for a few minutes and he rolled over and said he was sorry. This is a big deal, he doesnt use those words to often.

I do feel a tad bit better today. The run definitly helped although I felt as though I was starting from day one again. Almost couldnt make the whole mile...and then only walked the 2nd on. I am feeling fat and bloated today, my pants are to tight, which helps as a reminder to not eat crap..and stick to the lunch I brought with me.

Thanks for all of your kind words, it helps to have words or wisdom and support from bloggyland!

I guess I don't even know where to begin or if this post will even make any sense. I'm just in a daze. I guess maybe just some bullets to get a few things off my chest

I feel like I cant get anything accomplished. Its a chore to do anything around my house, cooking, cleaning, even things I love doing. (baking, scrapbooking, running)

I have gotten several cards in the mail from family and friends. I cant even have them in my house, I thew them out as soon as I read them, the reminder of this in my house all the time is to much for me. Now I am kicking myself for not saving them somewhere out of site.

Its like on top of the emotional mess I am dealing with, we are broke, one income (mine), struggling each month to make ends meet and me feeling like the only one with a sense of urgency.

One of my brothers was written out of my moms will (owed my mom money and a bunch of other weird drama), the other brother seems to be in such a hurry to sort all of that stuff out. I mean my mom had hardly anything. A bit of money in the bank (like a few thousand dollars), an older car, and a ton of jewelry. In her will we both get half, with all her jewelry she left me a note that it was all mine. He is in another state so hasn't seen that note, but I don't care, I am fine splitting it with him, but I hate the feeling of being rushed to do it. He wants me to carry all the jewelry with me to Colorado next week for the funeral, so we can go have it appraised together and split it up. Whatever its not that important to me and maybe he needs to settle these affairs to have some closure for himself.

I am surprised at which of my friends and family are the most concerned with how I am feeling and which are not. I'm putting on my "brave" face....which is how I roll.

I'm surprised at how unemotional I have been with all of this. Don't get me wrong I have cried, sobbed to the point of not being able to breathe. But by nature I am a crier....at movies, cards, my kids etc. So I guess I always envisioned this time for me being much more emotional. Maybe it will come, maybe at the memorial service, maybe when I stand in the jewelry store asking about how much her stuff is worth, maybe when my kids do something I know she would love to see or hear, maybe when I cant smell her in her car anymore, maybe when her birthday comes, I just don't know I guess until it all happens.

I cant get focused on my weight loss efforts or my training for my 10K. I NEED to get focused because I only have about 6 weeks left and I am only running 3-4 miles ok at this point.

I need my husband to get off my back about certain things and encourage me for other things. He should understand...his mom is in heaven too.

I appreciate the comments I got on the last short post and thank you Jo for encouraging me to write about it, it does help, I do feel a bit better at least, getting some of this of my heart.

You have not handed me over to the enemy, but have set my feet in a spacious place. Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.

Psalm 31:8-10

I am here

Just with my head in the sand. Trying to dig my way out, feeling pretty bad right now.

Dont worry a minor glitch! I will be BACK soon!

Family Tree

I saw a post on Blog Myself Thin, a gal just starting on her journey to losing weight. She posted a list of things that were in her family and who had what. I thought I would do the same, seeing it written out might have more impact on me.

Diabetes: Mother, Oldest brother

Cancer: Maternal Grandmother

Heart Problems: Mother (3 heart attacks, 4 stints), Father (1 stint, lots of blockage), Paternal
Grandfather and 2 Uncles (not sure of what they had, but all are gone now)

Kidney Problems: Mother (she just passed away from kidney failure)

Parkinson's: Maternal Grandmother

Schizophrenia: Paternal Grandmother

Obesity: Very common on my moms side of the family

Cushings Disease: Mother

Well thats a scary list! I guess seeing so much of myself in my mom and my oldest brother its opened my eyes to the list of problems I could soon be faced with if I dont start REALLY caring about myself. My mom struggled for so many years with tons of medical mysteries that I just dont want to EVER have to even think about them happening to me. I dont want my kids to lose me way before they should.

back on track

So yesterday I went and bought some new running shoes. I LOVE them! I got home and ran 2 miles after the kids were in bed with my ipod rockin' some crazy songs my SIL gave me. I got up this morning and ran another mile with my friend and did some arms. I am feeling back in action! Now I havent weighed myself but its probably ugly, so I think I will skip it until the end of the week after being back on track for a few days.

Long time no update

Well I am here. Feeling fat and bloated.



My mom passed away on Saturday. So I have been up and down since then. No working out, eating crappy. Today I am back on plan and will go run tonight after the kids are in bed.



My emotions are all over the place.

blah

I ran a mile and walked a mile today.

I am blah.

Gotta keep my eating in check today, stress and sadness are HUGE triggers for me.

on a good note, my husband did all the laundry yesterday..and there was a lot!

Hump Day

Well my mom is back in the hospital. With renal failure, swelling, fluid in her lungs and a bunch of other problems. She told my aunt she wishes she would have let her die. I am so sad but at the same time have peace that we live under Gods master plan, he knew this was going to happen and he knows what the future holds for my mom. I know she will be in heaven if its time for her to go, but have great hope that if its not that He can give her some strength and will to get better and live!



On a running note...I flaked on my partner for our 5am run this morning. Just wasnt feeling it. The old me laid in bed feeling sorry for myself, thinking about my mom, thinking about my financial problems. Then the NEW me kicked the old me aside. I got out of bed and went to run. I only did a mile, but I needed it, I needed the strong feeling I get when I run. I needed the NEW me to take charge!

Knees

So my knees are hurting. I am going today to find some sort of wraps or something to put on them when I run. Hoping to have enough cash to buy some good running shoes soon. The ones I have are just to old and not helping my knees any.

I didnt run this morning, partly due to my knees, partly because I was just TOO tired. I need to make sure I am in bed by 10pm and if I am not I am doomed!

I left my cell phone at home today, talk about a weird feeling! I am a texting queen, lol, so its weird to not have it on my hip!

Runnnnning along

so my weekend was decent. Friday night I scrapbooked with a friend. I love scrapbooking..have I mentioned that before? I am almost done getting my sons book done for ages 2-5. Then I must get to work on my family album for 2008 (uh ya I realize its 2009 LOL)

Saturday P was gone mostly all day with a few things for church, so I took the kids to the park for some fun, target and the grocery store. Found out my kids both like blueberries. I am not a fruit fan, I dont like many but eat some because I know its good for me. I went swimming at my sisters house and then had a nice night with my kids.

Sunday we had an awesome morning at church. P is the youth worship leader and plays guitar and is the lead singer in our church band. Yesterday they did "youth takeover" where the kids helped play and sing and lead worship and our youth pastor did the message. It was a good one on letting God trim our dead branches. It really got me thinking. I know that we need God to lead us and help us get through things in our lives. I know I need him to help me with this weight loss journey, so I am have been praying for Him to show me where my dead branches are. I know TV is one I can definitly cut back on, have more time to do things that will benefit God and also benefit me. I know cutting out some of my evening tv will allow me to do things like bake, run, scrapbook...all the other things I enjoy doing!

Today I ran my longest! We did 1 straight mile, walked 1/4 mile and then ran the last 3/4 mile. So my goal by the end of the week is to be able to run 2 straight miles...then next week starting working on mile 3. I KNOW that by July I will able to run the Wharf to Wharf! IM GOING ALL THE WAY and it feels go good!

Some cupcakes I made over the weekend. I have been making cakes for a while now and have my first official cake that I am being paid for coming up in July. I am excited!