11/6 Day Two of the Cabbage Diet

B: cucumber
L: soup
S: carrots
D: soup and baked potato with butter
S:

11/5

Well I gained .6. POOPS but it was not a shock, I was glad that was the only damage I did after NOT working out right and eating bad all weekend!

And I did the elliptical this morning...but I think its too loud and woke up big J, so I had to workout watching Dora instead of Desperate Housewives SIGH!

B: watermelon
S: pear
L: cabbage soup, water
S: apple
D: cabbage soup, water

11/4

Well Bunco was ok....They had sushi GAG...so I had the chinese chicken salad, which I am sure wasnt the greatest, but hey it wasnt 3 slices of pizza. I also had 2 mini snickers and a few twizzlers.

b: oatmeal, water
l: smart one, potatoes and broc, water
s: fiber one bar
d: chipolte (soft tacos with meat, small bit of sour cream and lettuce), 5 chips

no workout, but I WILL GET UP TOMORROW....

and I will be starting the Cabbage Soup Diet tomorrow. Wish me luck. I did it a while back and lost 9lbs, and gained a little back, so I think it will help get me comfortably into the 180's and I will STAY ON COURSE and keep it off!!

11/3

B: oatmeal
S: string cheese
L: smart one beans n rice

I need to buy some almonds....mmm they sound delish!!

Dinner is at Bunco tonight. Another test of my will-power. Each table has cups of candy on them as well as the hostess serving dinner. I PRAY its something decent that I can eat....and I WONT BE HAVING SECONDS. I CANT!!!

and after...at 9pm..I have to come home and workout :( If I hadnt taken soo many days off Im sure it wouldnt seem soooo bad to me..but well its been 5 days!!

Weekend 11/1 & 11/2

Saturday I did great in the morning...then 3pm rolled around and it was my niece and nephews birthday party.

b: cereal
l: chips with cheese, some pita chips, and one cucumber from the veggie tray and some cake and ice cream
d: lean cuisine
s: one oatmeal choc chip cookie

Sunday was not too good....
b: coffee, 3 bites of a donut
l: nachos at lunch with my parents and REAL pepsi
d: cereal and 2 pieces of toast
and a few chocolate donut holes here and there and some gold fish crackers, a couple diet a&w's in the mix

NO WORKING out...

why do I do this to myself. I had a good thing going and the weekend comes and I FAIL misserably.....well its called not thinking...I set out with this big plan in my head and dont follow through. I had NO intentions of eating Jack in the box on friday after the harvest festival, but as soon as Paul said..."You can have it once, you have done great all week"...I was ALL OVER IT. He is not the one with the fat body and low self esteem, why was I listening to him?? FOOLISH.

And saturday..I could have gotten some pita chips and some veggies and sat in the living room, but I didnt...I had a big thing of chips n cheese and SAT right next to the TABLE. WHY? FOOLISH!! P saw me eat the chips n cheese but didnt think a few would hurt, but didnt see me eating the cake since he was in the kitchen talking to my brother. I sat and I kept an eye on him...making sure to eat fast so he didnt see me. You would think this was a sign TO NOT EAT IT..not eat faster to avoid being seen. Then we had a couple of friends stop by and I am known to have a dessert or two around the house...I didnt have anything really so I made some oatmeal cookies I had in the freezer. They were good and luckily I only ate one...not six like I wanted too..but mostly because they were eaten up and NONE were left! Thank GOD for that.

Sunday: Should have had breakfast...not just coffee...which lead me to fail with the donut. When your parents said "where do you want to eat?" You should have said somewhere with a healthy salad." Not agreed on yummy mexican food just because it sounded good.

And remember the phone call you had with a certain someone on Sunday night. They had potato wedges and onion rings for dinner and topped it off with a piece of chocolate cake..then were talking about stopping at Dairy Queen. YOU DONT WANT TO BE THIS WAY...I love this peron more than she will ever know...and am so sad to think she has given up living and not fighting off all the medical problems she has.

So mental note to myself....DONT SET YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE (sitting in the kitchen NEXT to the food) and DONT LISTEN TO P when he tells you that you are doing well and can have a little treat. You are FAT and shouldnt have a treat until your are NOT FAT....you have low self esteem and HATE getting dressed because you FEEL FAT.....

stick to your damn diet over the weekend and you will actually LOSE some weight!!!

10/31 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

b:oatmeal, water
l: lean cuisine
d: one hot dog

then it got ugly

10pm: Jack in the box....potato wedges and a chicken sandwich and a sprite.

So tonight is our harvest festival at church and I WILL be having a hot dog, but just one..and no popcorn, cotton candy OR candy! And then I have to come home after and workout....boooo but I took TWO days off in a row and I cant make it 3 or I will slowly be caving back into my old habits.

no workout, just fat intake. HUGE SIGH!

but I have YET to eat one piece of halloween candy. I will take what I can get LOL

10/30

no workout for me today. I made excuses...so now I have to workout on saturday...my normal day off! WAHH!

B:oatmeal
L: potato, side salad, water
d: burrito bowl from Chipotle (rice, beans, meat, lettuce and a smidge of cheese) and NO CHIPS!
s: diet a&w

and I still have not eaten ONE SINGLE cake ball that I made NOR had one piece of Halloween candy!

10/29

191

-3lbs

YAY ME!

b: banana bread, water

l: baked potato, side salad, water

s: fiber bar, oatmeal...STARVING today!

d: ham, too much mac n cheese, corn

no work out today.

Tuesday 10/28

B: oatmeal, water
L: 1/2 caesar wrap from Togos, water
D: Smart One, water, Diet A&W

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I cheated and peeked today and saw 191 even. WOW I hope that its at least that tomorrow when P looks down and views the dreaded scale with me. He is gone so much at night that he is not that hard ass he has been before when I asked him for help, but this time I feel better about doing it myself and am able to talk myself into working out instead of ignoring the voices in my head telling me to LAY on the couch. Granted it did take me until 8:15pm to talk myself into working out last night BUT I did it and FELT great after. I know that each day I do it, it will only make the next day easier.

Last night I worked up to 42 mins....watched the biggest loser on tv....felt GREAT afterwards!

Monday 10/27

B: oatmeal
L: baked potato, side salad, water
S: water LOL!
D: chicken breast, plain noodles and small scoop of corn
S: Fiber one bar, diet A&W

and FOURTY minutes on the elliptical. I read the 1st 8 chapters of Genesis (for small group) and then watched Paris Hiltons, My new BFF....sigh..what a waste of tv, but I watched the whole 45 mins LOL And I forgot to do situps. Maybe tomorrow!

The weekend

Friday I did great, worked out, ate healthy.

Sat the same. Ate good...didnt workout (my one day off during the week)

Sunday came. I got my normal before church Starbucks....after church we went to chilis. ALL down hill. Like in my head I knew I was eating for 6 but kept right on eating. Some cheese fries, chips and salsa. I got the soup and salad and ate the soup....got the salad to go and P forgot it. Probably better since it was covered in Caesar dressing and 2 sprites. I did however do the elliptical for 36 mins....less calories than my past few times but I was on longer...still working back up to 45 mins each workout.

Monday I plan to incorporate some situps in the mix GAG!

Seeking more for myself

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

1 Peter 3:3-4

I find myself constantly worried about my outer appearance...worried about how I look in a certain shirt or are my jeans to tight. Instead I need to start focusing that time on God and how he can carry me through this journey.

Thursday 10/23

Today has already been crazy. I set my alarm for 5:40 to get up and do my elliptical before the kids got up...and for some WEIRD reason (or the devil was messing with me) Jamison was up and down from 3-4:30 last night. Which is not like her at all...so needless to say there was no working out this am BUT I will go home at lunch and get my workout in.

b: oatmeal, water
l: turkey, watermelon, water

Sadly I weighed myself this morning. ONE HUNDRED AND NINTY FOUR POUNDS WAHHHHH! I cant believe YET AGAIN I did this to myself. Oh well the time is now!

Elliptical at lunch 32 mins, 305 cals.

Weds 10/22

B: Banana, water
L: Side salad, baked potato, water
D: Green salad with chicken, water
S: coffee at small group

30 mins elliptical

Working out after small group stinks! It was late and I was BEAT, but I did it and afterwards felt GREAT and I made it with no snacks and no soda!!

My Army

So after many days, months, weeks, years of not being able to do this, I stopped and thought about what I was doing when I had success. I had a BUDDY...someone with the same mission as me..with the same amount of weight to lose and we held each other accountable! I had P....who helped me stay strong and keep me up when I felt like crashing down. I also noticed one thing I didn't have. The power of Jesus...I need to lean on him and let him carry some of baggage...let Him help me get through this...let him win, me win and not the devil.

So...1st things 1st. Start praying everyday..as many times a day as I need to and ask God to help me through this journey...once and for all!

2ND... Stay close to Michelle (my day support!). After much chatting about it...plotting our courses....encouraging each other my on-line friend Michelle...(who by the way is my long lost twin sister....across the U.S.....seriously we have so much in common....the good and the bad and even both have tattoos on our big toes except well she is a republican LOL) have decided to be each others support. I know we cant stand side by side sweating at the gym, but we can encourage each other and hold each other accountable.

3rd have my rock at home....I talked to Paul and got him on board. I told him I needed him to be a hard ass. To help me say NO to the things I wanted to eat and to say YES to the elliptical (home to many cobwebs) So he agreed....and set somethings (rules) to my plan.

nothing but water
working out 6 times a week
make sure I eat breakfast (I suck at this)
no more popcorn (or any dessert at night)

So off we go....


*sad note to self
You went to give blood last night....they gave you a free t-shirt. You chose XL, but after seeing how HUGE it was, you exchanged it for a L. UMM it didn't fit you...YOU ARE THAT HUGE! sigh.....

TIRED

Today is a bad day...you know the days you wish you could blame being fat, unmotivated, and lazy on someone else.

I'm tired of spending so many minutes in my day thinking, worrying, stressing, obsessing over being fat. TIRED...

I'm tired of starting and stopping diets, change of "lifestyles" etc. How many times does it take for me to feel this way before I actually get off my ass and do something about it? I cant even count the # of times I have tried doing this....tried and FAILED...miserably. TIRED

I'm tired of making excuses for myself when I don't want to exercise or when I know I am eating something bad. TIRED

I'm tired of nothing fitting me, feeling my jeans dig into my gut when I sit, my bras leaving marks from being to tight and having fat rolls sticking out with ANY shirt I wear....TIRED

I'm tired of seeing the look on P's when when I eat something I shouldnt or fail another diet. Or when I ask him for encouragement and he doesnt say what I think he should. Why should he...he has been trying to help me with this weight things for years....he too is probably TIRED.

I'm TIRED of feeling TIRED

Well...crap

How has it been over a week since I have posted here....

I lost almost a lb last week. Wasnt great, but at least it wasnt a gain.

So far this week has been good. Worked out last night on the elliptical while watching the Hills. Nothing like a little skinny girl show to keep me huffing and puffing away.

I still cant kick the 3pm munchies....everyday it hits...like I havent eaten ALL day.

I thought about maybe doing WW again. My friend J lost about 50lbs recently and is sending me her diet plan. She is the gal I lost a ton of weight with the first time.

if only I was on the Biggest Loser.....wow wouldnt that be nice except missing P and my kids like crazy oh and eating chicken all the time oh and the 6 hours a day or working out....but the losing 10lbs a week would be FAB!

Until tomorrow!

Monday 9/29

so my weekend was decent. Had a couple of coffees and some mac and cheese last night. Didnt workout, but didnt go HOG wild like I usually do.

Monday:
B: Banana
L: smart one
S: pretzels

Friday 9/26

wow my mid section is hurting! Who knew belly dancing could provide sore muscles LOL! I enjoyed that one and plan to add it into my weekly routine.

Still at 188 today, but thats ok. I am very proud that I have done so well this week and will continue to do so all weekend! I hope Monday shows a few more lbs gone!

B: banana, water
L: Caesar salad
D: sausage, noodles, brocoli and I SKIPPED the pumpin pie and cool whip for dessert!
S: small bowl of crispex (dry)

today my kids got into a car accident while running errands with their sitter. Jams is fine, Jack is all banged up :( He has a black eye and forehead, scratches under and above his eye. It was almost swollen shut by the time I got to the ER.

Now all the mommy guilt is taking its toll. Do I find a new sitter who doesnt have other kids she has to take and pickup from school? Right now we just cant afford for them to be in a daycare center where I know they are better off and it kills me. Makes me feel like somehow I have failed them and that I had to stick them some where they are not safe. Which my brain knows isnt the case. Their sitter is a nice lady who takes great care of them....and the accident could have happened when they were being watched by me, my mom...anyone.

Thursday

so another good day!

B: oatmeal, water
L: salad
D: Mongolian bbq (noodles, meat, bean sprouts and cabbage)
S: few handfuls of Crispix cereal

20 min belly dancing workout.

Wednesday

b: English muffin
l: Caesar salad, water
d: spaghetti, salad

Tonight is small group but I still plan to do my 20 mins of cardio after we get home and get the kids to bed.

I weighed in at 188.2 this morning...so down 3.5lbs since Monday. I'm sure some of its water weight because good ole AF is still making her appearance. I swear the IUD is the culprit. Zits...cramps, periods all over the place....UGH!

I managed to avoid the brownies and coffee cake we took to small group and did a 20 min upper body workout when I got home.

Tuesday

I want a Mr. Goodbar.....

but instead I ate

NOTHING for breakfast because my work ran out of bowls.
L: smartone, water
D: chicken breast, 2 potatoe fries and corn
S: Diet a&w and popcorn

I didnt exercise. AF is still lingering and making me feel like crapola!!

Back to the grind

I know I know how many times have I said this? A GAZILLION Im sure!

I weighed in today and was back up to 191.7lbs. WHAT? I knew I gained..pants were tighter but never imagined it was 12lbs BACK :(

Mondays eating:
B: oatmeal, water
L: salad, water
D: Turkey meatballs, rice, greenbeans, diet a&w
S: popcorn, diet a&W

I did a show on FIT TV today. It was 20 mins and combined light weights with upperbody, squats and situps. I am proud for having a great day.

I am committing to
1. drink only one diet soda a day and 8 glasses of water
2. work out 6 days this week for at least 20 mins


My goal is 150lbs by my 33rd birthday. 40lbs in 4 mos...I have done it before..actually lost more weight....it was HARD but I see the pics of myself at 155 and LOVE IT!

I posted a few pics on the sidebar, one is me at 221 (Aug 07), and one of me at 196 which was a few months ago.

I was at 213 by Oct of last year..and have managed to lose 23 more lbs in that past year. TO SLOW for my own good! So I am stepping it up! P has 20lbs to lose so he is on board and eating healthy and tonight is going out to run!

where does the time go?

so I suck. thats the end of the story. I have sucked at working out. Sucked on eating right, sucked on keeping up with this blog. Sucked at keeping my house clean, sucked at being a mom, sucked at being a wife....

today is a new day. I didnt even weigh myself knowing it would be HIGH...real HIGH. Im sure I have crept back on at least 10lbs. I know thats what my clothes are telling me.

I am emotionally spent today...but I know out of all the crap going on in my life..this is the ONLY thing I have control over.....the only thing....so I better TAKE CONTROL!

Saturday/Sunday - Sucky McSuckerson!

well I SUCK!

Not only did I not work out Friday and didnt work out today either...I have no time to work out tommorrow. I know I know excuses excuses!!

Monday is a new day! I WILL ELLIPTICAL since I cant run. P has band practice and doesnt get hom until its well past 9.

Friday

b: banana, water
l: chicken caesar pita
d: Chili's...um guess what I had. Caesar Pita! I know gross huh! I am an addict, but honestly after I have the last one today I am over caesar salad LOL! Also some soup and a little pile of cheese bacon fries. (I cant resist those dang things)

So well I didnt get my run in...which sucks for me since now I have to run both today and Sat. My own fault...but my head was pounding!

I weighed this am and was down .4lbs. I got totally discouraged and then reazlied its only been 3 days...what do I expect?! So I hope when I weigh in next Friday for a much better (higher) number of lbs lost!

Thursday

b:oatmeal, water, coffee
l: caesar salad with chicken, water (you will see how I obsess over a food until I cant eat it anymore then move onto something else LOL)
s: carrot sticks and ranch
d: sausage, noodles, brocoli, diet A&W
s: 100 cal popcorn

So I didnt hold the cheese and I didnt do any sort of working out last night, but I got in all my water and didnt hog down on dessert at small group. Baby steps LOL

tonight is night 2 of my run/walk and also my pushups! I hope to do a few more this time without colapsing.

Wednesday

b:coffee, banana, water
l: chicken Caesar salad, water
s: carrot sticks with ranch, 3 crackers
d: 2 chicken soft tacos and I DIDNT hold the cheese!
s: one cookie at small group

Tonight we have small group which means eating out somewhere. I think I will go to Chipolte so I can get a chicken bowl...hold the sour cream and cheese please! I only get to see my kids for about an hour tonight :( Tomorrow they start a new daycare and I am to say the least VERY NERVOUS. I am totally comfortable with the lady and the place....they have just never been left with someone I haven't known.

I am feeling really good today. I know its only been almost 2 days, but I just FEEL like its my time to succeed with this once and for all! I am planning on no snacks tonight before bed. Wish me luck on that one...its my biggest downfall.

Good ole Aunt Flo

...This is an actual letter from an Austin , TX, woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award- winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants!

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the female human body amazing?!

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, Sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me!? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actualsmiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that's a promise I will keep -- Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin , TX

tuesday

b: banana
s: slim fast shake
l: Caesar salad with chicken, croutons and shredded parm cheese, 8oz water
d: calzone, diet A&W
S: 100 cal pack of popcorn

Tonight I did my first day of Couch to 5K and my road to 100 push-ups. I actually surprised myself and was able to run without many problems. I even ran a bit more than the plan suggested since IT FELT REALLY GOOD. Did I just type that?

Now to the push-ups. It tells you to test yourself before you start to see where you fall into the plan. I did FOUR. Yeah four decent push-ups and the 5th I crumbled! I managed to do the first 4 sets without much problems (I only had to do 2 pushups each time)...then came the last set...only having to do 3, I figured NO PROBLEM! Yeah not so much....I did one...the 2nd barely and the 3rd was a joke...my arms were shaking so BAD. I was just glad that P didnt walk in at that moment as I would DIE to tell him oh yeah...that was only pushup #3!

So all in all I had a great day. Tomorrow I plan to do some light weights since I have small group until 9pm-ish. I mean I could get up before work..but lets face it...thats not happening YET!

my weight

well sadly its still a struggle - DAILY!

I feel like for the past 10 years everyday thoughts of "should I be eating this?" or "man I need to lose more weight" are always running through my head.

well I am DONE, TIRED of the WEIGHT. Tired of talking about it, tired of thinking about it. JUST TIRED OF IT.

I am currently weighing 183. I was down to 179 but a few lbs slowly crept back on in the past 2 weeks. So today I am VOWING to get down to business. I started reading this blog. Seeing the daily posts of another mom of two who's starting weight was close to my own has got me inspired again.

So tomorrow I am going for a run..well probably more of a walk, but I need to do something physical.

I started this journey at 211 back in um.....1999 I think. Lost 51lbs in a quick amount of time doing what me and my friend called the CRACK DIET! It consisted of 45 mins of cardio a day, 1/2 of a meal replacement shake for breakfast, the other half at 10am, chicken and 1/2 cup of rice of lunch, another 1/2 shake at 3pm and the same as lunch again for dinner but with a veggie. And Hydroycut 2x a day. This is back when ephedrine was legal and the weight fell off both of us QUICK. We lived together so it helped to have someone else in my face daily doing the SAME exact thing.

I managed to hang out around 160lbs until 2004 when P and I decided to try for a baby. I then started back up dieting and lost another 5 lbs and got prego that next month. I gained 45lbs while being prego with Big J and never lost it after she was born...then in 06 got prego with Little J and gained 20ish lbs and was back up!!

So there I was a mom to 2 beautiful kids....weighing a whopping 221lbs! WOW just to type is makes me SAD! Somehow in the past year I have managed through many short attempts at losing to drop 38lbs. I can fit into most size 14's and all my 16's can come off without even unzipping.

I see pictures of our trip to Maui in 2000 and our wedding in 2004 and think WOW I WAS HOT! At the time I still felt like a whale and wanted to lose another 20lbs. Well what I wouldn't do to be that small now LOL

so tomorrow is the day. I have to get down to 160lbs by the end of the year. Celebrate the new year with a new weight and a new outlook on this part of my life.

so I hope to inspire at least one other person ...someone I know or maybe someone I don't know as JKW has inspired me!