10/31 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

b:oatmeal, water
l: lean cuisine
d: one hot dog

then it got ugly

10pm: Jack in the box....potato wedges and a chicken sandwich and a sprite.

So tonight is our harvest festival at church and I WILL be having a hot dog, but just one..and no popcorn, cotton candy OR candy! And then I have to come home after and workout....boooo but I took TWO days off in a row and I cant make it 3 or I will slowly be caving back into my old habits.

no workout, just fat intake. HUGE SIGH!

but I have YET to eat one piece of halloween candy. I will take what I can get LOL

10/30

no workout for me today. I made excuses...so now I have to workout on saturday...my normal day off! WAHH!

B:oatmeal
L: potato, side salad, water
d: burrito bowl from Chipotle (rice, beans, meat, lettuce and a smidge of cheese) and NO CHIPS!
s: diet a&w

and I still have not eaten ONE SINGLE cake ball that I made NOR had one piece of Halloween candy!

10/29

191

-3lbs

YAY ME!

b: banana bread, water

l: baked potato, side salad, water

s: fiber bar, oatmeal...STARVING today!

d: ham, too much mac n cheese, corn

no work out today.

Tuesday 10/28

B: oatmeal, water
L: 1/2 caesar wrap from Togos, water
D: Smart One, water, Diet A&W

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I cheated and peeked today and saw 191 even. WOW I hope that its at least that tomorrow when P looks down and views the dreaded scale with me. He is gone so much at night that he is not that hard ass he has been before when I asked him for help, but this time I feel better about doing it myself and am able to talk myself into working out instead of ignoring the voices in my head telling me to LAY on the couch. Granted it did take me until 8:15pm to talk myself into working out last night BUT I did it and FELT great after. I know that each day I do it, it will only make the next day easier.

Last night I worked up to 42 mins....watched the biggest loser on tv....felt GREAT afterwards!

Monday 10/27

B: oatmeal
L: baked potato, side salad, water
S: water LOL!
D: chicken breast, plain noodles and small scoop of corn
S: Fiber one bar, diet A&W

and FOURTY minutes on the elliptical. I read the 1st 8 chapters of Genesis (for small group) and then watched Paris Hiltons, My new BFF....sigh..what a waste of tv, but I watched the whole 45 mins LOL And I forgot to do situps. Maybe tomorrow!

The weekend

Friday I did great, worked out, ate healthy.

Sat the same. Ate good...didnt workout (my one day off during the week)

Sunday came. I got my normal before church Starbucks....after church we went to chilis. ALL down hill. Like in my head I knew I was eating for 6 but kept right on eating. Some cheese fries, chips and salsa. I got the soup and salad and ate the soup....got the salad to go and P forgot it. Probably better since it was covered in Caesar dressing and 2 sprites. I did however do the elliptical for 36 mins....less calories than my past few times but I was on longer...still working back up to 45 mins each workout.

Monday I plan to incorporate some situps in the mix GAG!

Seeking more for myself

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

1 Peter 3:3-4

I find myself constantly worried about my outer appearance...worried about how I look in a certain shirt or are my jeans to tight. Instead I need to start focusing that time on God and how he can carry me through this journey.

Thursday 10/23

Today has already been crazy. I set my alarm for 5:40 to get up and do my elliptical before the kids got up...and for some WEIRD reason (or the devil was messing with me) Jamison was up and down from 3-4:30 last night. Which is not like her at all...so needless to say there was no working out this am BUT I will go home at lunch and get my workout in.

b: oatmeal, water
l: turkey, watermelon, water

Sadly I weighed myself this morning. ONE HUNDRED AND NINTY FOUR POUNDS WAHHHHH! I cant believe YET AGAIN I did this to myself. Oh well the time is now!

Elliptical at lunch 32 mins, 305 cals.

Weds 10/22

B: Banana, water
L: Side salad, baked potato, water
D: Green salad with chicken, water
S: coffee at small group

30 mins elliptical

Working out after small group stinks! It was late and I was BEAT, but I did it and afterwards felt GREAT and I made it with no snacks and no soda!!

My Army

So after many days, months, weeks, years of not being able to do this, I stopped and thought about what I was doing when I had success. I had a BUDDY...someone with the same mission as me..with the same amount of weight to lose and we held each other accountable! I had P....who helped me stay strong and keep me up when I felt like crashing down. I also noticed one thing I didn't have. The power of Jesus...I need to lean on him and let him carry some of baggage...let Him help me get through this...let him win, me win and not the devil.

So...1st things 1st. Start praying everyday..as many times a day as I need to and ask God to help me through this journey...once and for all!

2ND... Stay close to Michelle (my day support!). After much chatting about it...plotting our courses....encouraging each other my on-line friend Michelle...(who by the way is my long lost twin sister....across the U.S.....seriously we have so much in common....the good and the bad and even both have tattoos on our big toes except well she is a republican LOL) have decided to be each others support. I know we cant stand side by side sweating at the gym, but we can encourage each other and hold each other accountable.

3rd have my rock at home....I talked to Paul and got him on board. I told him I needed him to be a hard ass. To help me say NO to the things I wanted to eat and to say YES to the elliptical (home to many cobwebs) So he agreed....and set somethings (rules) to my plan.

nothing but water
working out 6 times a week
make sure I eat breakfast (I suck at this)
no more popcorn (or any dessert at night)

So off we go....


*sad note to self
You went to give blood last night....they gave you a free t-shirt. You chose XL, but after seeing how HUGE it was, you exchanged it for a L. UMM it didn't fit you...YOU ARE THAT HUGE! sigh.....

TIRED

Today is a bad day...you know the days you wish you could blame being fat, unmotivated, and lazy on someone else.

I'm tired of spending so many minutes in my day thinking, worrying, stressing, obsessing over being fat. TIRED...

I'm tired of starting and stopping diets, change of "lifestyles" etc. How many times does it take for me to feel this way before I actually get off my ass and do something about it? I cant even count the # of times I have tried doing this....tried and FAILED...miserably. TIRED

I'm tired of making excuses for myself when I don't want to exercise or when I know I am eating something bad. TIRED

I'm tired of nothing fitting me, feeling my jeans dig into my gut when I sit, my bras leaving marks from being to tight and having fat rolls sticking out with ANY shirt I wear....TIRED

I'm tired of seeing the look on P's when when I eat something I shouldnt or fail another diet. Or when I ask him for encouragement and he doesnt say what I think he should. Why should he...he has been trying to help me with this weight things for years....he too is probably TIRED.

I'm TIRED of feeling TIRED

Well...crap

How has it been over a week since I have posted here....

I lost almost a lb last week. Wasnt great, but at least it wasnt a gain.

So far this week has been good. Worked out last night on the elliptical while watching the Hills. Nothing like a little skinny girl show to keep me huffing and puffing away.

I still cant kick the 3pm munchies....everyday it hits...like I havent eaten ALL day.

I thought about maybe doing WW again. My friend J lost about 50lbs recently and is sending me her diet plan. She is the gal I lost a ton of weight with the first time.

if only I was on the Biggest Loser.....wow wouldnt that be nice except missing P and my kids like crazy oh and eating chicken all the time oh and the 6 hours a day or working out....but the losing 10lbs a week would be FAB!

Until tomorrow!