Day 12 - Finish

Finish: that is my word for the year 2011. If any of you listen to KLOVE, the do a thing each year where they pick words that will be with you all year. A word of a struggle, an addition, a goal, a vision etc. This year I chose FINISH. I chose this word because I take on many things and NEVER finish them all.

As I went back and re-read all of my blog entries, I was saddened by them. How many times I have stopped and started this losing weight thing. How many times I have lost the same pounds. How many times I have cried over being fat. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I am beautiful! I deserve to be healthy! My husband and kids deserve a better me. A me that is strong, healthy and full of love for myself.

The end of the year I just coasted, putting off the weight loss thing because I was too busy with the kids, to busy with work, my business, husband, church….etc etc….. Sad excuses to not put me first even if for only a little bit each day.

Since the 1st of the year I have been more conscience of what I am eating, but still not working out. I had hit my highest weight ever and almost the highest weight I have ever been pregnant. So many words came to my mind: shame, disgust, pathetic, sad. I had to STOP myself from wallowing in the fat pity and use it to fuel the fire!

I need to let the words thin, love, happy, proud be the words I want to use to describe myself not the ones above.

It didn’t hit me hard until this morning when I put on a size 2X shirt and a pair of maternity pants because the few things I have that fit were dirty. I am wearing a size 18 pants right now. I stared in the mirror thinking REALLY, this is not ok! So instead of coasting through another year of being miserable and just barely living, I am going to do it this time. REALLY do it. I know it will be HARD, but I have too.

This post by Lyn at Escape from Obesity hit home for me.